to someone i don't talk to as much as i'd like

chaz,

i miss you. yeah, yeah, yeah, i've said that before. but still. i miss those weeks before you left for italy this past summer. i miss sneaking into the house to hang out with you and drink wine. i miss walks in the arb. i miss staring up at the stars from the middle of the arb far too late at night. i miss our conversations. maybe most of all i miss that feeling i'd get, that silly kind of anger, when you'd tell me what i didn't want to hear, or explain something i do so perfectly. you taught me alot about myself, whether i liked it all or not. i miss feeling free, being able to be myself. i miss how you saw through the front i put up. i loved how you would call me out when i deserved it. you made me look at things differently.
you never expected anything from me. you never tried to take advantage of me, or use me. you only ever gave me reasons TO trust you..but i didn't. wouldn't. couldn't? nah, you'd disagree with the last one. i was afraid of how close i got to you. i was afraid of letting you hurt me...though you showed me not all guys are like the ones who used me.
so yeah, hey chaz? remember how we were going to get lunch and we were too busy? i vote we make time. soon. go for a snowy walk in the arb. drink wine. just talk. pretend things are like they were before you went to italy. i miss those days. i miss our talks. i miss not caring that a friend called me by my full name.

rebecca.